Friday, March 13, 2009

Weird Science. (or Weird science)

As an engineer, I took grundle-loads of Physics and Math classes in college. I found it interesting that science had explanations for everything in our world. Physics equations could be used to describe the melting of a Popsicle, or the transfer of sound from a fart through jeans.

In a previous post, I described laws of the Universe that we see in our world today. Unfortunately, my quasi-boring-analytical mind is recognizing more patterns in the world of entertainment and politics that are completely described by science.

(On a completely separate note which will be completely surrounded by parentheses; the word "science" is used far too flippantly today. How do we know global warming is true? Science. How is global warming not true? Science. If science a proper noun? Should it be capitalized? Should we refer to Science/science as a deity? What about someone referring to the "science of God?" Isn't this a problem statement? Something like dueling banjos? I digress.)

The Fibonacci weight gain sequence:

As you know, the Fibonacci sequence relates to a mathematical list of numbers where the next number is the calculated by the sum of the two previous numbers.
I am currently practicing this mathematical model in terms of my weight gain. Let's form a hypothesis.
I enjoy eating Nachos Bellgrande from Taco Bell. Eating these every day for a week will enlarge my stomach, thus requiring me to eat more Nachos Bellgrande. Along with this comes increased weight gain.
And from there, the sequence is set. Week 2 I eat two Nachos Bellgrande's a day, and enlarge my stomach even further. The ensuing weight gain is evident.
Pretty soon, the numbers are so high, that my ass has more dimples than a golf ball, and my gut can actually house an entire bowl of Fruity Pebbles with limited milk spillage.

The Geometric sequence of child-birthing and irritability:

Currently Octomom is following this pattern in regards to having children. The next go-around of in vitro may yield 48 children.
In addition, the byproduct of this scenario is the level of irritability that we all have when we hear about this stupid situation. I'm obviously not helping here.

The OJ to the zeroth power rule of constancy:
2^0=1 15^0=1

Any number to the zeroth power is one. OJ proves this rule every time.
Take any act that OJ has committed, and you'll always get the same result---His self-proclamation of innocence. Never fails.

In addition to patterns, probability plays a large role in our world. Let's explore.

The Guassian law of broken promises:

The middle class of today's society obviously is the largest makeup of income, or should we say they are 1 sigma of the distribution.
Now let's see what politicians promise to the rich (upper tail of the distribution), poor (bottom tail of the distribution), and the middle class.
To the poor--We'll give you lots of money and programs to help bring you out of poverty. TRUE
To the rich--We'll raise your taxes as you have plenty of money. You need it less than others. TRUE
To the middle class--We'll lower your taxes, lower your bills, and help you out. (note the Grey term---"help" the middle class) FALSE

The wandering ant on a square grid of economics:

Take the case of a wandering ant on a grid. Each step moves him to a new square.
Will the ant still be on the square in 10 steps? 100 steps?
This same law applies to bank bailouts. Will AIG or Citigroup still be around after 7 bailouts? 10 bailouts? Who knows? Let's keep trying the's not like my children have anything better to do with the money.

The stimulus plan of percolation:

Imagine you place a porous stone in a bucket of water. What are the odds that the water will reach the center of the stone?
Same concept with Uncle Sam. They sure are throwing a bunch of water at the problem, but will it reach its intended target? (See Gaussian law of broken promises above)

And lastly, there is one that may affect more people than any above.

Janitor's law of probability:

When a janitor comes calling in a work restroom for some cleaning, there is a 86% chance that you are only 14% into your craptacular experience.



Stephanie B said...

The odds of a the workplace janitor CLOSING the restroom when you were intending to use it are inversely proportional to the product of "how badly I need to go" and "whether the door the other floors is locked at the stairs"


Alex L said...

If the janitor comes in, you just wait till he leaves to finish... no matter how long he takes. You have the right to poopie in private. Its in the constitution

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I appreciate this info, but I'm living proof that one doesn't need to know science and math to be a successful blogger. ;)

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

That you had thoughts regarding Octomom---shows the power of our Tabloid press----me thinks her "15 minutes of fame" must surely be over, and the tabloid press is ready to move on to whatever story they feel will sell advertising.

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