Friday, March 27, 2009

A spring break complete with banana hands

I was lying in bed the other night, and a great idea for a book popped into my head. Actually this is not correct. At first I believed it was a great idea, but it quickly unraveled into one of the many movie plots I've seen in the past.
The premise was about a group of scientists who experimented on humans to increase their 5 senses. Blah Blah Blah...lots of other boring plot, and I was about to abandon the idea when the title "Common Sense" came to me. I liked the title so much that I may still visit the idea. Is a book idea worth pursuing for a title alone?
I was excited thinking of the topic at first, but most of the plot-line led into "food tasting really good," and "sex being really good." (even for women)
Maybe I'll write it and submit it to Penthouse letters instead.

Why is it, that weight gain occurs everywhere on your body except your wang? In fact, the theory of relativity states that it will look smaller and smaller as you get larger. Why is nature so cruel?

Speaking of weight gain, I think I may have issues, as I compare everything to food.
Coworker: Did you like Slumdog Millionaire?
Me: Yes. It is like that great Mexican place that everybody visits, but is still really cheap.
Coworker: ???

Friend: How are your March Madness brackets going?
Me: Like a Taco Bell Nachos Supreme without the cheese.
Friend: ???

Wife: Are you coming to bed?
Me: Do I need a reservation, because I have a 2-for-1 coupon for the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Wife: Is this another one of your creepy ways to ask for sex?
Me: Is it working?
Wife: Does it look like it?

I believe that you'll be seeing much less of me around here in the future.
I have plenty of stuff to write about, but sometimes I feel like a slave to the schedule. I'll be the first to admit that I like people reading my blog, and appreciate the time you take out of your schedule to do so. Unfortunately, if I post once or twice in a 4 week period, there won't be many people left to come and visit. I usually don't visit a blog that doesn't update their content regularly. I just subscribe to their feed. The same will happen here.

My inner Tony Robbins has told me that "I own my blog," not the other way around. Posting less regularly will show my blog that I am the boss...even if it does mean that I will lose a lot of traffic and visitors.

Here's the kicker about the spawn of this blog. It was born from the afterbirth of ridicule.

I was unfamiliar with the blogosphere until last Spring. After catching wind of all these "Mommy blogs" who posted pictures of their house, children and dog, I had a field day. Why would someone want to post this private information on their blog? I will know when you are out of town, what color you changed your hair to, when your kids have puked, etc.

There are blogs about cats, horses, Dungeons and Dragons, Pinoy scams, Lottery numbers, Sexual positions, and thousands of other items. Why couldn't I write a little bit of humor on a blog?

My grammar skills have always bordered upon piss-poor, and I have never formulated my thoughts well on paper. In person, I can spin a yarn with the best of them, but I wanted this to translate to print. Like many bloggers, I someday would like to write a book, although it would not be humor.

It struck me that it doesn't matter what anyone writes about---usually they are passionate about the topic. This is where I have gained respect for most blogs out there. Perhaps you carry your camera 24/7 in order to capture every situation your kids may see. You then share your feelings thoughts and pictures to ten's of people who may actually want to see them. Good for you, and for sharing yourself. (On this note, and being completely truthful---why would you want pictures of your children and family in the public domain? I suppose that ignorance is bliss, and you may not care who views pictures of your family. I feel there is too much depravity in the world today, and if some 49 year old pervert wants to collect pictures of children on swings, he won't have mine in his library.)

After almost a year of blogging, I have put out some good and crappy posts. I have also gained a respect for anyone that shares a little part of themself, whether it be through their pets or their kids.

I always tried to steer clear of topics that I wouldn't want my kids to read as teenagers. I would hope that in 5 years, my oldest daughter could read my blog and get a little chuckle. (At the moment, I have very little....especially in front of her friends)

Regardless of what others thought about the humor here, I knew that I could always make my wife laugh....and this means a lot to me. She didn't care what my bounce rate was, how many unique visitors I received, or that I crossed 1000 visitors in one day last month. She just enjoyed the writing....and that's why I'll still post here from time to time.
So, please go to the right-hand corner and subscribe to this feed. I promise that roughly 50% of my posts will be funny....even if you only get one a month.


Major Undeclared said...

You're starting to sound like Michael Jordan with all the retiring talk again and again. I only hope you're leave of absence doesn't translate to, where I look forward to your piss-poor writing.

Matt said...

Michael Jordan never took a sabbatical...which is the verbiage I have used in the past.

I am not leaving...just stepping away. And I could hit better than .215 in the minor leagues like Jordan.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

I hear ya old man----can't take the pressure of a daily blog right----fraid to just throw words on the page and run the risk of maybe boring someone---or worse make a fool out of yourself------I started my blog last April, and yeah I hit that wall too----okay, so my posts come off boring, or to selfcentered, or so far off the wall they depress the readers---but at least I'm alive, and who knows, maybe I will say somthing coherent now and then----besides can always hope to get a posting out of ya to brighten my day----do what ya must.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

oh, oh!! forgetted to tell ya, I tagged ya with a Meme (see my post of 03/27----you all have a nice day now---ya heah?

Da Old Man said...

Common Sense. Good title for a book, but, wasn't that the name of the booklet that launched the United States of America?
Kind of puts some major pressure on.

Anonymous said...

birds and a bb gun, should be every boys childhood. Love the blog.

Mr. H

Alex L said...

I'm stealing your idea! Ha, the book I'm writing at the moment is based on a joke I heard on Letterman, so never doubt the inspiration for anything even if its just the title.

nipsy said...

I agree with you on the whole pics of your children on the internet. I have a parenting blog, and am constantly stating, no pedophiles welcome here, nothing to look at and keep on moving.

As for me, I can only hope my teenage daughter never ever EVER reads my post "the day the dildo died". I think that might be the day she's grounded for life..

Take care of you, and I'll look forward to monthly laughs..

Jenn Thorson said...

I think you write well, and I already subscribed after the last retirement. :) You are the blogging Mario LeMieux-- he retired, came back, retired, won some stuff, stepped on my friend Jen at a hockey event...

Oh wait-- okay, so it's not a perfect metaphor.

Still, please don't quite altogether. You have some funny work, and the effort you put into your posts is obvious. I'd miss that.

Stephanie B said...

That's odd. I could have sworn I left a comment here yesterday.

Oh, well. I read your stuff. I find it funny. I don't need to subscribe because I have you linked.

Locations of visitors to this page