Monday, March 16, 2009

It's the economy stupid!

Amidst the collapse of our economy and my 401K, I always try to look on the positive side,
Take the economic hardships, and political shenanigans on both sides of the aisle.
This has literally been the draw for over 40% of my posts. If it wasn't for the economy and poop jokes, this blog would cease to exist.

So to maintain the 40% coverage of the financial crisis, I wanted to share another positive that we can take out of this mess.

I dare say that the most common phrase in today's society is "because of the economy," or some variant of this. In fact, this has become the great excuse for millions across the country.

"Are you buying a car?"
"Not in this economy."

"Let's go out to dinner."
"I can't afford it in this economy."

"Did you see the game?"
"I canceled my cable because of the poor economy."

I will admit, that I have said similar things, or thought it to myself, but I think we can take this excuse much further than we already do.
I believe that I/we can use the economy as an excuse for just about anything in our lives.


Neighbor: I noticed you still have your Christmas lights up. You realize that it's almost Easter right?
Me: I was going to take them down a couple months ago, but haven't found time in this poor economy.
Neighbor: That doesn't make sense. What does the economy have--
Me: See ya. I'm late for my pedicure.

Any random telemarketer: You would be foolish to not take advantage of this new interest rate!
Me: I would be foolish to refinance my house when I may get laid off in the next 6 months because of the economy.
ARM: But these rates are at an all-time low.
Me: What would you say if I told you that I bathing in salsa right now? Would you suggest Doritos or Tostitos?
ARM: click

Nurse: You weigh 179 pounds. This is your heaviest weight ever.
Me: I have really been down lately because of the economy.
Nurse: You do realize that your ass looks like a giant cheese block trampled by football players?
Me: Did you say something about cheese? mmmm.

Cable Internet provider: The block was placed on your account because you were downloading illegally.
Me: I can't afford Internet service AND to buy Cd's in this economy. Which should I stop purchasing?
CIP: I'm sorry sir, but that isn't my problem.
Me: Then why are you calling me? Click

Wife: Did you do another blog post today?
Me: Yes.
Wife: What is it about?
Me: The financial bailout.
Wife: Again?
Me: In this economy, what else do expect to write about? Poop? Hmm...that gives me a couple new ideas.

Friend: The new U2 album isn't very good.
Me: I hear it was because of the economy. Or perhaps that their combined age is like 250 years.

In fact, I've heard this excuse in the damnedest places lately.

Me: (nudging wife) How's the weather over there? (wink wink)
Wife: Huh?
Me: You know, what does the forecast show for me tonight?
Wife: What are you talking about? Why are you winking?
Me: C'mon, my "warm front" is approaching in front of a big love storm.
Wife: Are you asking for sex in the form of "weather analogies?"
Me: Umm...I suppose. Is it working?
Wife: That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard.
Wife: You know....I really want to....but this news on the economy has gotten me really down. Sorry.
Me: Can you give me a 5-day forecast? How about the 10-day?
Wife: ....

Random guy at restaurant: I've heard people are cutting spending so much in this poor economy, that many are shopping at thrift stores for clothes.
Random guy's friend: I think you're right. At Walmart yesterday, I noticed a bunch of people wearing sweats.
Me: (In my head, screaming as loud as I can) You idiots....I've been playing "sweats-count" at Walmart for years. My daily best is 27. 27 PEOPLE WEARING SWEATS in one building that isn't called Golds Gym!

Employer: I'm sorry Matt, but we're going to have to let you go.
Me: What! This is terrible. Was it because of the poor economy?
Employer: No. It is because of the 250 megs of video clips downloaded from Rock of Love: Love Bus.
Me: But I like Brett.....


Shawn said...

If your wife isn't getting turned on with that kind of talk, I really don't know what to tell you. Beats my game. By a mile.

boisebyufans said...

Your wife is a good women to put up with a freak show like yourself!! Very funny post. Infact, my husband and I had the very same thoughts on Saturday as we went out to eat. We both thought the place was a little too crowded. . .especially during a bad economy. . .you'd think people would "eat-in" a little more and safe me the 20 minute wait!!

Funny said...

Is the Mortgage Papers funny?! ;)

Father Muskrat said...

I'm sick of the damned excuses, too! I, for one, am refinancing the house to save 1.5% BECAUE I'm about to be unemployed! I know I won't be able to refi when I'm working for myself and have no income history!

And by the way, there's no shame in loving Bret Michaels, no matter what the status of your finances.

Diesel said...

Well, we have to blame something now that Bush isn't around any more.

Doctor Faustroll said...

I've done terrible things, and tagging you is among them.

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