Monday, January 5, 2009

6 Degrees of Separation from 2009

I'm married with a gaggle of kids, don't drink, and have trouble staying up until 11pm. You can imagine how exciting my New Years Eve parties are...
In fact, the most excited I get about the new year, is either awaiting my tax return in late Feb, or continually putting 2008 on any form I fill out.

As a change for this year, I thought I'd celebrate 2009. I really wanted to get down to the nitty gritty about what 2009 was about.

Here's what I found...brace yourselves.

2009 is the International Year of Astronomy. (400th anniversary of Galileo looking into a telescope.)

2009 is the International Year of natural Fibres. (I originally thought this was a UK-spelled version of a celebration of foods like oat bran, lentils, and other foods that give you the "million-wipers" on the toilet. The UN actually just wants to raise awareness for natural fibres...like silk...completely awesome...if you're into that kind of thing.)

2009 is the International Year of Reconciliation. (No word on whether the Catholic church is sponsoring the celebration.)

We will inaugurate our 1st black President.
We will put a man in the senate who used to don a wig, and look into the mirror for his "Daily affirmation."

The longest Solar eclipse in the 21st century will take place in July. Oprah will attempt the feat the next month by using a jet pack and hope that her massive ass can completely block out the sun. Please wear special glasses.

The retail sale of incandescent light bulbs will be banned in Australia. Do they use "British-speak" down there?? If so, would they be termed light bulbes?

Other events that I predict to happen are:

Yankees move to a new stadium...only to not make the playoffs.
Cowboys move to a new stadium...only to not make the playoffs.
Ryan Secrist will come out of the closet.
Saturday Night Live will be terrible. (too late...already there)
There is a 30% chance that I get laid off from my job.
There is a 30% chance that I become a male prostitute.

As you can see, 2009 looks to be pretty lame. In order to make 2009 feel a little better about itself, I wanted to show it that it will be no worse than any other person/year. As proof, I give the "6 degrees of separation of 2009 from Kevin Bacon." 2009...you're good enough, smart enough, and doggone it..people like you.

2009

1---->>>>2009 squared is
4036081

2---->>>>The sum of all integers in 4036081 is

22

3---->>>>The number 22 is included in the film title

Catch 22 with Alan Arkin

4---->>>>Alan Arkin was in "Rendition" with

Reese Witherspoon

5---->>>>Reese Witherspoon was in "Freeway" with

Keifer Sutherland

6---->>>>Keifer was in "A few good men" with....

Kevin Bacon


That was fun...and insightful. Let's try it again with another random object.
How about Ricky (Rickey) Henderson.

Ricky Henderson

1---->>>>Played in 1989 with

Mark Mcgwire

2---->>>>Mcgwire famously played as one half of the "Bash Brothers" in Oakland alongside

Jose Canseco

3---->>>>Jose was in the "Surreal Life 5" with

Bronson Pinchot

4---->>>>Pinchot's relatively short film career included Courage under Fire with

Meg Ryan

5---->>>>Before Ryan bared all in a recent film, she starred in a stinker called "Joe versus the Volcano" with

Tom Hanks

6---->>>>Tom Hanks starred in Apollo 13 along with

Kevin Bacon


If anyone can involve 2009, Jenna Jameson, and Yul Brynner in a chain to Kevin Bacon, I would be impressed.

Here's to you 2009...now where's my tax return??!!

8 comments:

unfinishedrambler said...

I'm going to disagree with you on one thing: the Yankees. They've got a heckuva lineup, but hey, I don't know anything about sports...as my predictions over at HBFFL show (unfortunately).

Oh, by the way, that was very impressive how you got to Alan Arkin and then to Kevin Bacon-- and a nice plug for Rickey.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Jenna Jemeson is a fan of John Cusack.

John Cusack used to date Meg Ryan.

Meg Ryan almost bared all in a (great) movie with Mark Ruffalo who almost bared all.

Mark Ruffalo lives in upstate NY not far from Kevin Bacon.

Kevin Bacon can dance and Meg can dance.

Meg loves John Cusack.

John Cusack loves baseball.

Rickey Henderson is somehow involved in baseball and has no doubt been forced to watch The King and I at some point.

There.

Now if you'll excuse me, I do have a life and I am a drinker. ;)

Chris Wood said...

That image of Oprah and her jet pack made my day!

Good call fella!

Darryl said...

If you don't drink, how on earth did you fall into the misfortune of a gaggle of kids?

That is like the curse without the fun.

Da Old Man said...

The Yankees will win the division by 4 games, and the World Series in 6 games against the Dodgers.

And I do drink.

A lot.

Alex L said...

Wait wait wait... meg ryan bared all?!

Father Muskrat said...

Prefers, I'm impressed!

Alex, I believe it was "In the Cut."

Matt, do you like how I've just made myself at home in your comments? I thought so. Glad to see you writing more these days.

Matt said...

Rambler--Crazy George will not see a title before his death...so it shall be written.

prefers--nice job...although 8 degrees of separation is like creating 7 minute abs after 6 minute abs was already around.

Chris--I was hoping to ruin someone's day with that...rats.

Darryl--Oh ye foolish one...All comments made about my kids are TIC as they are the greatest source of joy in my life. Enough with my sappiness...on with the bad humor.

Old man--Dodgers!!?? Them's fighting words.

Alex--See Muskrat's reference...but don't bother with the movie..ooh bad.

Muskrat--You can always make yourself at home in my comments...but I do suggest a stronger deodorant.

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