Monday, November 17, 2008

Reason #1 why you should shop at the Wal-marts

Many of you who follow this blog know that I am not the biggest proponent for shopping at Walmart. In an attempt to become like Foxnews and be "fair and balanced," (yeah right) I am starting a sister segment to Reasons you shouldn't shop at Walmart.

It is cleverly titled "Reasons you should shop at Walmart." I spent literally hours on this.

Meg over at Prefers her fantasy life tipped me off to a recent problem at Walmart.
An AP story has shown that bottled water has contaminants. It shows that 2 brands violate California law. Oddly enough, Sams Club (Walmart) water is one of these mentioned.

I'll admit that I drink bottled water at work. It's better than the alternatives:

There is a drinking fountain in the hall. I call it the "spelunker" because there is a stalagmite-esque growth forming on the area where the water comes out. I imagine it is just hard-water deposits, but I don't want to drink water from a fountain that looks like a guy trying to pass a stone. (Ok, I've never seen this personally, but I would imagine if something was stuck "in-line" then the stream would be affected)

In addition, all water from public facilities here at work tastes like pungent gym socks. I imagine that this would appeal to a minority of the population, but I prefer my gym sock water fresh.

I can always go purchase a soda pop. Perhaps if I drink enough of these, I will witness passing a stone firsthand.

So, I drink bottled water. It tastes great!! Oh, you say it has no taste?? Exactly. Good water should have no taste.

So what is the alarming news about the bottled water??

I guess they found 38 chemicals in the water, including:
bacteria, caffeine, acetaminophen, fertilizer, solvents, plastic-making chemicals, and strontium.

Let me be the first to ask::
Where do I sign up?? This could be the greatest drink every created!!
I can see the commercial now:

TV doctor: Where else can you get all 38 chemicals in one drink?? Don't waste time taking pills for all these chemicals. You can save thousands of dollars, and hundreds of hours just by drinking our ChemH20 once per day.

(Little print at the bottom of the tv ad)
ChemH20 has not shown to carry large amounts of bacteria, although what is found is primarily from human spit and earwax. Caffeine and acetaminophen combined with fertilizer has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. ChemH20 recommends leaving water on shelf for 29.10 years before drinking as that is the half-life of Strontium. Main solvents in water do not include water. Most plastic-making chemicals have not proven to cause a "yeast-like" phenomenon in the stomach, although this may be possible.
Doctor shown above is not an actual doctor. In fact, his real first name is "doctor."
ChemH20 should not be taken before operating heavy machinery.

So Kudos to you Walmart. Let's place a mark on the "pro" side of the list when deciding where to shop.


Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Yes, there really is an odd beauty to this thing called capitalism. ;)

Da Old Man said...

This is now my go to source for fair and balanced blogging.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Gross. Wals-Market really is the worst. If only their prices weren't so stinkin' cheap.

Doug at Taunt Vortex said...

I'm a big fan of strontium. I gives me that healthy glow that everyone always compliments me on.

Kathy said...

One word: Brita. You'll never go back to bottled water again. Break those chains, man!

Alex L said...

Hmmm, sounds tasty, and earwax has a tonne of nutrients in it!

Kelly said...

Nothing is safe. Who knows what all is in the air we breathe. Might as well hook a tube up to dog's ass and suck in it's anal vapors. Might be healthier.

Uh, not that I would do that. :)

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Well, hell. I need caffeine and acetaminophen anyway. And strontium sounds like something cool, like from X-Men. Can I get that delivered in a giant hernia inducing plastic bottle that I can invert over my very own dispenser?

And here I just thought my visits to Wal-Mart were chipping away at my SOUL.

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