Thursday, October 16, 2008

Unleash your tiger in the bathroom

I use two restrooms at my current job. The closer one is for "stand-up" duties, and I trek a little further to a much more desirable bathroom for my heavy lifting. (my quaint single-stall, double-urinal that I've mentioned here)

I don't use the closer bathroom for all my bathroom needs because there are things that are bothersome to me.

First of all, the toilet seat was designed by an Asian engineer with deep-seeded anger towards tall people. The seat is so low that your knees end up near your cheeks.
Good luck trying to pull a half-mast approach with your pants. In order to get in sumo stretch, the pants have to go down to the ankles.
Rather than the average 26 minutes until my legs fall asleep, it only takes 2 or 3 in this position. I won't even go into the cleanup under these circumstances.

Secondly, it is really old. And I mean REALLY old. The building is over 40 years old, and I think this restroom was an old out-house that they built around way back when.
There are missing wall tiles, paint completely cracked and peeling away, and the counter-tops have that 1960's sparkly glitter look. The whole room kind of creeps me out.

And lastly, my experience has led me to believe that hand-washing is more scarce in this bathroom than the other. I wouldn't even wager a guess as to the reason, but I don't care. I'm sick of carrying paper towels back to my office because I won't touch the handle.

One thing this bathroom has in spades is "personality." It's not like women's restroom personality. I've seen the inside of a few women's restrooms....they're like the green room for the Carson Daly show. (the lack of the vegetable spread only warrants a mid-major talk show)
Couches, soft music, tanning beds, free massage...it's all in there.


What does my "That 70's bathroom" have that none of the others do? Look below for the pictures I snapped on my way out the other day.





There's a couple things I'm unclear on---I'm not sure if these pictures would make Siegfried and Roy giddy, or if they've just faded so that everything looks white...??

These are on your way out, and seem to say--Go get em Tiger--on your way out.

If these had titles, what would be the second picture be?? Stay away from my Heineken!!??

13 comments:

just a girl... said...

cracking me up. those are pretty old school. But you do know that bathroom is my dream bathroom, not a shock I am sure

Athena said...

Is that keg in the second picture? At first I thought it was a roll of toilet paper!

At my job, the womens bathroom recently broke so we all had to use the mens room. It was the first time I had been in a mens room that was cleaner than the ladies room! Brightly lit, clean, one of the automated paper towel dispensers...my boss is an asshole. Our bathroom is fixed now...would it be totally creepy if I kept using the mens room?

Dan da Man said...

This is what you do you throw some C-4 in there and you got a new bathroom works everytime

boisebyufans said...

Men are seriously freaky when it comes to bathrooms. My husband's main goal in life (while we were dating) was to use every bathroom atleast once at BYU. He bragged to everyone when he finally accomplished this goal just weeks before graduation. Seriously, that is so creepy!

eve cleveland said...

Hey, Hon...
Sorry I can't be of more help to you here. I can point out that the answer is never:"stay away from more Heineken."
Eve

Alex L said...

It still annoys me I have to use bathrooms other than my own. Its horrible going into a stall and hearing the guy next door.

ettarose said...

I think it is hard to put your ass where some one elses hairy ass was. As far as cleaning up, scrunch down and flush. That ought to take care of it.

Doug at Taunt Vortex said...

Sometimes I actually sit longer than I need to, just to acquire that "numb legs" effect.

Then hilarity ensures when I "accidentally" stab myself in the thigh with scissors in the mail room.

Yeah, I'm the office Criss Angel.

SILLYA said...

Here's a weird one for ya: a friend of mine gets a phone call every night that her son is working (at the big tech factory by the freeway heading out of Boise)-- when he takes his nightly stop in the small one seater room-- he calls his mom to say Hi-- not his wife-- but his MOM!! weirdo...

Sarah♥ said...

Tottally freaky...

Jenn Thorson said...

That is some truly remarkable bathroom decor. I can't even think when those photos MIGHT have been in style, let alone how they come off now.

PS- Is a hugging tiger couple really guy-art? Um, seriously?

Matt said...

justagirl--I'm slightly amused as I walk by, and then have flashes of the shining...not sure why.

athena--yes...a keg. I am shocked that a men's restroom was cleaner. You obviously didn't use the stand-up urinal.

dan--the bathroom is too close to my office...I may get "sploded."

Boise--My goal is to use the same bathroom every day. I will "force back the urge" in order to wait for it.

eve--I'm confused...more than normal.

alex--I usually bail. I can't handle it.

ettarose--I'm not against sticking in the water to clean it---just not a public one.

doug--I feel rage every time I hear the name Criss Angel.

sillya--As long as she doesn't know where he is...it's all good.

Jenn--I imagine the "drunk chicks" calendar was taken down...this was all they had left in the back for decor.

eze said...

lol, what an awesome bathroom.

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