Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The List.......of change

I realize that everyone has "the list."
This mythical group of 5 celebrities that one would "totally hook up with" if given the chance.
I searched high and low for rules that may pertain to a list, but found no concrete evidence on wikipedia. (which is gospel)
I did find a site which conducts a "fantasy draft" of hot women. Their list of rules was longer than the constitution of the United States. I believe this group of men spend many nights at home playing Warcraft.

I think there needs to be a few ground-rules if you have one of these lists.

-They must be a b-list celebrity or higher. By placing your next-door neighbor on the list, you're asking for marital problems. If you're living next door to a b-level celebrity, then you probably aren't reading my blog.
Obviously an A-list celebrity wouldn't take you for more than the coffee guy, but it's possible that if you met Daniel Baldwin in a bar, you'd have a real shot at going home with him. Don't set your sights too low. (male or female)

-Celebrity impersonators are off limits. Just because somebody looks and acts like someone else....doesn't mean that they are who they say they are. Ask Eddie Murphy.

-For those of you who put your spouse in all 5 slots, give me a break....we're just playing a stupid little game.

-There should be some sort of semi-permanence to the list. You shouldn't be able to change and rotate people every 6 months on a whim. This fickle attitude leads to temporary mistakes. (like 1997, where 68% of lists had Baby Spice at #3)
There should be some sort of "mulligan" that you can implement on a semi-regular basis though.
I think back to my child-hood. I had no idea about a list, but I do know there were women on movies and TV that "opened my eyes" a little wider.
Below were my top 5 hottest women growing up. As you can see, my list needs some repair...perhaps a new head gasket.

#5 Mary Ann from Gilligans Island. (Dawn Wells)

As a kid, I watched re-runs of this show. Mary Ann was like the motherly hotty on the island. Whoa...Oedipus complex alert.

Take a look in her recent mug shot. I wouldn't be surprised to see this lady in a commercial selling brake pads.

#4 Brigitte Nielson
Between Red Sonja and Rocky 4, I was taken aback. Who was this Amazonian beauty with the strange accent?

Have you seen her now? Even Flava Flav has a hard time looking at her. Day-old Danish anyone??

#3 Punky Brewster (Soleil Moon Frye)
I never missed this show, and had the biggest crush on her. Cute pig-tails.
Ok...she stays on the list.

#2 Kelly Lebrock
Every boy in the 80's felt as I did. Seeing her appear for the first time in underwear made me feel similar to when I climbed the rope in gym. She was the first "naughty girl" I'd ever seen.
Nothing could resist her...including bacon double cheeseburgers.
#1 Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've seen every episode of this show multiple times. It's in my top 5 favorite shows ever. I was truly in love with Laura Ingalls Wilder. I hated that Nellie.
The real Laura Ingalls Wilder.
You want to know who's in my list now??
2-Hot Wife
3-Super hot wife
4-Cool Wife
5-Wife that actually finds me attractive

I'm a nerd.


Anonymous said...

You soooo saved yourself with that last comment-- and show just how whipped you are. Good job. :)

Doug at Taunt Vortex said...

Ah, Kelly LeBrock. I remember watching "The Woman in Red" and thinking, when is she gonna get totally naked? (Ignoring the reality of it being a PG film).

She jumped the shark when she married Steven Seagal.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Why do I see any bloggers on that list?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Why do I NOT see any bloggers....

I'm a nerd, too.

One that doesn't proofread.

Preston said...

I take it your wife reads your blog...LOL And I think you left out Heather Locklear...

Dan Brantley said...

I hope you got lucky after that save. "Look Honey, I said it online for a billion people to see... could we pleeeeese?"
Hmmmm this gives me an idea....

Dan da Man said...

What a weird child you were

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

Pheenomenal, like a trip down memory land---without streetlights.

Gary(old dude)

Da Old Man said...

Punky Brewster is so on my today list.

And, of course, Martha Stewart has always been on it and still is.

She bakes cookies, you know. Chocolate chip ones with pecans.

boisebyufans said...

My list included Ralph Machio from "The Karate Kid" what a hottie!! My husband had a thing for Smurfette and Marsha Brady, Marsha didn't turn out so hot.

Your wife is so gonna love you!! I loved your comment at the end.

P.S. Wow! Punky B. turned out pretty good, I wonder if her cute blonde friend had the same luck.

Alex L said...

I did my list a while back and it ended up with a animated character... oh well if I'm going to dream I might aswell go really stupid right?

PlancksPost said...

That's funny,...your wife is on my list too!

Just kidding man,...funny stuff!

Sunshine said...

Nice post and kudos to your wife...what about Marcia from the brady bunch??? I remember the kids in school all gaa gaa about her...

Matt said...

unfinished--What if I choose to be whipped? Does that give me any more power?

Doug--she was so naughty. My 10 year old brain almost couldn't process it.

prefers--Many have a "bloggers list" also. It can fall under these rules. An A-list blogger could qualify under these rules.
Does Eva Longoria blog? That would be nice.

preston--Heather was a screaming cougar while I was in my teens. She's still smoking hot.

Don--I'll let you know...just kidding.

Dan--To call me weird is a compliment from you.

Gary--That is poetic. I'm still trying to understand it.

Old man--You are one sick puppy. I don't think it's been proven that she is a woman.

Boise--Smurfette?? That is truly odd.

alex--there are a few who may qualify.


sunshine--The Brady bunch was just before my time. I watched it, but it was in re-runs. I liked Alice myself. jk.

Sunshine said...

brady bunch before my time too but all we had was re-runs.... and for the record the Steeler post is up.. can't go a week with out something for the Steeler nation...

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I notice my husband calls you whipped but declines to add his own list to his comment. Which shows you, well, you know what that shows you. Honey, I know your list has Stevie Nicks circa 1984 and Hayden Panettiere circa right now on it. Embrace it.

As for mine, with no names where I'm just to0 lazy to check spelling because its 10:17 on a Saturday morning:

1. The hot Indian doctor guy from Heroes.
2. The other one from Heroes, the bad one with the eyebrows.
3. Antonio Banderas circa anytime
4. Liam Neeson (because when Himself hears me say it, he always goes EEEEWWWW!)
5. Bono when he was about 70% less of a pompous bastard (longer hair, and that leather vest, before the whole Zoo TV thing)

That's it, I'm spent.

Unbalanced Libra said...

Dawn Wells - mugshot??!!! what the heck did she do1?

genny said...

oh this is hmmm...Just dropping my EC... Almost forgot this would you like to sponsor a Christmas Giveaways for more info just click my name...TC

The Nemesing One said...

Punky Brewster also had breast reduction surgery - apparently she had gotten up to triple-G or something udderly wonderful like that. You forgot Tiffany - she had her boobies enhanced and posed for Playboy - hot then, hotter now.
Smurfette was freak'n hot - she's in my wank-bank somewhere.

Matt said...


shieldmaiden--hilarious...But Liam neeson??

libra--It seems that Dawn was hitting the bud.

Genny--Confusion abounds in your comment. You do realized this is a humor blog??

TNO--Tiffany wasn't as hot as Punky...although Tiffany was the 1st tape I ever purchased.

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