Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The real Mac attack

Along with yesterday's post that documents my foray into the realm of the undead, I also like to write a little humor. I have a new post out today at scrivel.com.
Please go here and take a quick look....it's well under 500 words, and has 3 pictures. You could almost qualify it as a picture-book post.

Screw the John McCain catch-phrase---Don Gorske is the real mac attack.

For those who haven't seen "super-size me," he is the crazy dude who has eaten thousands of Big Mac's over the course of decades. He even has a Guinness record for it. He also wants to look like Ringo Starr in the 60's.

This picture above is out of date. He recently crossed the 23,000 mark for Big Macs ingested.
He says he usually eats 2 or so Big Macs per day. At 54 years old, and by my rough calculations, he'll have eaten another 19,000 or so Big Macs by the time he's 80. This will give him a grand total of 42,000 Big Macs. Using more fuzzy math, I calculated some other totals he'll have by the time he's 80.

126,000 buns. (remember the sludgy one in the middle)
84,000 cat patties.
1575 pounds of secret sauce. (if you ask me, this isn't enough...that secret sauce is delicious)
This translates to roughly 1,218,000 grams of fat.
Also 1,050,000 grams of protein.
168,000 bouts of violent diarrhea.
359 large bottles of Tums. (fruity flavored)
9,320 people who took his order that are now on welfare.
1,530 cockroaches ground into the patties.
15 pounds of rat crap.
39 human fingernails.
6 pounds of human hair.

Notable is the fact that he's healthy, and has low cholesterol. I look at a Big Mac, and my fat ass giggles and jiggles in delight at the new girth it will soon enjoy.

Here's to you Don Gorske...your colon wishes you would rot in hell.


Dan da Man said...

The reason that guy is so healthy is because i use a flamethrower to burn away all the cholesterol

Da Old Man said...

One a day? I have one every few months and that's more than enough.

I feel better knowing that they are made out of cat. I always thought it was kangaroo or some other exotic meat. Nice to know it's all American made.

muskrat said...

I thought you were full of it til I read the wiki article. Hmmm. Damned inspiring, I tell ya.

*lynne* said...

the violent diarrhea & welfare quips had me roaring with laughter; the ground cockroaches & rat crap, not so much...

.. and yeah ,as another commenter said; I can take a Big Mac once in a blue moon, never ever could I stomach it every day - yikes!

Mr. Bastard said...

I wish I was him.....

Meg said...

It's all in da genes (and sometimes hangin out da jeans).

Meg said...

And Ringo Starr--LOL!!

The Hypocritical One said...

Dan--Is that even possible?

Old Man--Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's Siamese cat.

Muskrat--a real American hero.

Lynne--My body says yes to them, my brain tells me no...so I usually pass.

Mr. Bastard--Don't we all.

Meg--He could be the new "Jared" for Mcdonalds...I'm confused why they haven't grabbed onto him.

Chat Blanc said...

shouldn't he be appearing on billboards for a heart surgery center by now? or a funeral home?

Kirsten said...

6 pounds of human hair?!?!?!

Dan da Man said...

If it isnt what have i been doing to him?

Sully Sullivan said...

Utterly disgusting.

I'll break down and eat McDonalds maybe once every few months and I always feel ashamed afterwards.

Don said...

I don't get it. Maybe, on the other hand, I do. Look at this guy. I mean perhaps a Big Mac is the only friend he has.

Da Old Man said...

Aprently Fox 5 in NY reads your blog. This guy was featured on the morning news today. That hairdo is Ringo Starr in the front and Patti Smith in the back.

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