Monday, August 11, 2008

Stop....Hammertime revisited!!

As I'm out of get a post from my past. This blog is unmanned, and the author is not responsible for any spam porn comments left by sneaky foreigners.

I live in a smaller town. This means less stop-lights and more stop signs. I don't think people in my town understand what STOP almost seems to sub-consciously be telling their brains to STOP functioning.
I won't delve into the idiocracy of my towns-folk at 4-way stops, and instead focus on something that obviously wasn't taught in drivers education at the local schools--the 2-way stop.
As seen below, the 2-way stop has 2 stop signs, with the other 2 directions not stopping at all. The cars stopping at the signs must always yield to the perpendicular directions.
But...what if another car is at the stop sign directly across from you...what to do? There are a few types of drivers I consistently meet in these situations.

First are the lookie-loo's. They kind of look over at you to see if you'll go first, then look at the other lanes of traffic, and then look back at you, then look back again. I literally think that if 2 lookie-loo's were to meet at a 2-way stop, they'd be there for hours.

Next you have the "middle-aged wished he was back in high school football guy." It doesn't matter if this guy was at the intersection first. He's going to go first no matter what happens. And if you try to pull out in front of him, he'll honk, flip the bird, and call you all manner of obscenities. In reality, he's just pissed because he didn't want to be a loan agent at the credit union, and truly thinks that he could have made the NFL.

You may run across "Jeep Wagoneer lady." Many of you may not know what this is. In your larger, more developed cities, you may call them "soccer moms" or "mini-van moms." In my town, it seems that the vast majority of people hold on to the first car they purchased. You may have heard the 1979 Jeep Wagoneer was a beauty. I can tell you first-hand that it is not. Well, this driver does not comprehend or notice that there is another driver in the opposing lane. She may pull out at anytime and run right over the top of your Cutlass Supreme. You may wonder if she's on a cell phone, or texting, but as we are still a developing city, do not have access to such luxuries. Most likely you will see a McGriddle, or Sonic toaster sticks. The tell-tale smell of Maple syrup is the dead giveaway.

Lastly you have "hairnet lady." You've run across her many times. She's headed out to Smith's Food king to pick up more kitty litter. She's had her hair done at the salon the previous week, and is wearing that quasi-see-through hairnet to protect it from the elements. You can also spot her from behind as you'll notice towels over the back seat, and box of tissues in the rear window of the car. This driver will wave every other car in the intersection through as you sit behind her late for work. Be aware at all times for this driver....they may put the car into reverse at any time for no apparent reason.

What are the odds that you actually run across somebody that has any clue about "right of way?" Well, for the 14 people who will read this blog over the next 3 weeks, let's pray that this may be informative.

Simply put--Whomever arrives first, has the right of way. But you're going straight, while they are turning left....sorry...they arrived at the stop first, and have the right of way. What if you both arrive at the same time? Well, the person going straight or turning right has the right of way. What if you're both going straight? Then you both go at the same time, roll down your windows, high five as you pass, and both yell--"Stop...Hammertime" in unison.


Don said...

Damn! We must be living in the same town. If I get to the stop sign at the same time as another, I usually just go and hope for the best.

Daniel said...

When I know perfectly well that the other driver has the right of way (learned in driver's ed and reinforced on the drivers test), I just hate it when I sit there waiting and waiting for them to go and then, when I finally give up and decide to rescue the rest of my life from this standoff, they immediately pull out honking at me.

effing blue hairs.

Da Old Man said...

I always thought the larger vehicle went first

Meg said...

I figure if you've got kids in the car who have to pee, you're exempt from these rules.

Alice said...

I say whoever has the biggest car gets to go first.

Stan J said...

If this is the type of traffic problem you experience consider yourself blessed! I suggest never trying to drive in a large, old, European city like, Madrid, Rome, Paris, Lisbon, etc. The drivers there would give you fits. Stop sign? What's that? Yhe light wasn't THAT red!

Alex L said...

Wheres 'the man with the hat', or dont you have them. Blanket across the back seat, tin of barley sugars at the ready, driving no faster than 40 km an hour. And of course not forgetting the ever present lawn bowls hat.

The Hypocritical One said...

Don--yeah...but I drive a Mazda, and the other guy doing the same thing has an F350....he has the better odds.

Daniel--that happens at least 50% of the time.

Meg--That gives you the right to break any law applicable...and also includes "puking" kids.

Alice/Old man--you're more right than you know.

Stan--I would agree that my "traffic rage" is generally much less now that I live in such a small town.

Alex--That's awesome...I wish we had that type. Our old men drive old Cutlass supremes, and are making their way to Skippers for the 10% discount.

Anonymous said...

There may not be a lot of "original readers" that have been with you from the beginning, but as one, i must say, "I feel cheated."

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