Friday, August 8, 2008

Point A to point B in style

As I drove home from work the other day, I noticed something I thought quite odd. There was a grown man commuting on one of those electric scooters like my brother had when he was 14. I snapped a quick cell picture because I found it interesting.

Methinks he won't be breaking the speed limit

Once I pulled past this guy, I noticed something else--I WORK WITH HIM. Yeah...he was cruising along, ID badge flapping in the wind. I know we have both motorcycle parking and bike racks at work, but where do you park "children's toys?"

As I drove off, I started laughing..."who rides a scooter to work?" Generally, my mocking stems from jealousy, because the more I thought about it, I secretly wished that I could drive a scooter to work. . Plus I could totally "grind a rail" on the way. (Is that even a phrase anymore? When I used to be into skateboarding 20 years ago it was)

This guy on the scooter was just a constant reminder to me about all the fuss over high gas prices. You cannot turn on any news program, radio talk show, or have a discussion with any random person without high gas prices coming up.
In fact, if you search Google for alternative transportation, you get 2,820,000 links.
Google--gas prices--and you get 35,600,000 hits.
Google "That tears it" and you only get 672. And most of them are people who listen to Phil Hendrie rather than those that link to my site.
I did find funny pictures in my quick search of "alternative transportation" (below) but did not find anything very funny in my search of "that tears it."

Someone needs to punch him in the head

Adds a new dimension to "open container" laws.

The CO2 emissions that this lady saved by slaving her dogs to work will be more than offset as I drive to her house and burn it down as this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. (besides the guy with the table fan strapped to his back)

Have a Yabba-dabba doo time stopping that.

Chris Martin has nothing to do with alternative transportation, except that if he'd lower the freaking prices on his concert tickets, perhaps we'd be able to afford more gas---unless that is his strategy. I know he's a green-mongrel, so perhaps jacking up the price will not allow people to buy more gas, thus saving the environment. Brilliant Shaggy Chris Martin. Scoobey doobey doo!!

I want to get from point A to point B as quickly and efficiently as possible. If a piggy-back ride were cheaper and faster than a car, I'd be interested.

The "in-your-face" election coverage double-fists high gas prices down your throat at a Kobayashi-like pace. I understand that this is a real problem for many people across the country, but I just don't see it.

I don't know anyone personally who has had to go without food or shelter in order to purchase gas. Even in my small blue-collar town, there is a 45 minute wait at Texas Roadhouse most nights. I know that people here consider this fine dining--this is beside the point...bring your family there, and you're out 75 bucks minimum. That's easily a full tank of gas. (unless you drive a Suburban like myself--I tell people that it's not miles per gallon, but miles per gallon per occupant)

The Dark Knight passed 400 million dollars in record time.
At any given time during the day, McDonald's has a 6 car line in the drive-thru.
Who doesn't have a flat-screen TV nowadays. (I don't...sniff)

I know I'm speaking in generalities here, but I think you get my point. We hear of retail shopping and consumer spending roughly flat or slightly down---Is it really as bad as the media makes it out to be? Until gas prices cause people to make a decision between Christian Bale doing "smoker voice" and getting to work, I'm not buying the media's oil-Jihadist viewpoint.

If I bought school clothes for my kids one year, and the next year they had doubled in price...I'd bitch about it, but buy them anyway. If they doubled the next year, I still may buy them. But there might be a point where I decide to make clothes myself, steal from the neighbors, or get a frequent shopper card at Goodwill. The same thing is true with gas.
We can afford the gas, but we also love to complain. As an American, it's in our blood. Take this conversation I overheard at a local sandwich joint. I was waiting in line behind "trendy Mom" and her 2 adult daughters who were ordering.

Sandwich dude: What do you want on your sandwich?
Bugging daughter 1: Ummm....well...what can I get?
SD: Any of these toppings that I'm standing in front of.
BD1: Ok...Everything.
SD: Onions and peppers?. (starts placing toppings)
BD1: Yes.

BD1: WHAT are you doing?
SD: Huh?
BD1: I don't want Jalapeno peppers.
SD: But you said you wanted peppers...??
BD1: I meant those yellow peppers.
SD: Ok. (pulls off Jalapenos)
BD1: I CANNOT eat that with the Jalapeno juice on everything.
SD: Ok.....
BD1: I'll need a whole new sandwich.
SD: Ok. (starts making new one) Can you tell me exactly what you want on the sandwich?
BD1: Everything.
SD: Not everything...because you don't want Jalapenos.
Bugging daughter 2: (As an aside to "trendy Mom.") He messed up my veggie sandwich too. I wanted Light mustard, and he totally like spread it on thick. (you guys are perverts if you paused on this last sentence)
Trendy Mom: They better have "Diet Coke."

Me: (to sandwich dude) I'll just take her jalapeno-sauce sandwich. Hold the onion.
SD: I hate this f@#ing job.


Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

we truly are a spoiled nation that loves to complain. and by we, I mean me.

PS please flatten scooter guy the next time you see him, that's just retarded

Alice said...

Great dialogue. Did you want to punch the girl out? It's getting more and more difficult to bite my tongue.

Da Old Man said...

The fan guy desperately needs to be punched in the head. Perfect call.
As for sandwich girl, people today are dumber than ever. I was in F&F Tire and Auto. Standing next to the tire display, I heard a customer ask, and I'm not making this up, but gawd I wish I were, if they sold tires. Person was serious. And seriously stupid. Said she never noticed, since she only used to get her oil changed there. At F&F Tire and Auto.

Dan da Man said...

I went to a burger shop and asked if they sold burgers and the guy laughed at me

Major Undeclared said...

Actually the jalapeno-sauce sandwich is the reason that Jared lost 548 pounds!

Diesel said...

They have those scooters all over the place at Google. And bikes. And electric cars. And all kinds of other crazy contraptions.

The Hypocritical One said...

Sandy--I think I want to flatten him so I can steal his scooter.

Alice--The problem with getting involved was that there were 3 angry women...those are terrible odds for a guy like me.

Old Man--wow...and I would imagine she's a college graduate.

Dan--c'mon're lying.

Major--because....oh I get it.

Diesel--here in my small town, google is a means to finding things on the internet...don't try to explain that there is a place called Google also---you'll just confuse the masses.

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