Monday, July 28, 2008

Random hits from the roundtable of smelly feet

While on a trip in S. California, we rented an economy car. (Nissan Versa) Every time we pulled up to the hotel or another venue, the valet dudes didn’t even stand up “just in case” we wanted valet service. I didn’t know whether to be offended or pleased that I didn’t have to turn them down. I did not realize the Versa was such a “scummy” car down there.

It’s a mystery of nature that you can eat taco bell food and it tastes so good---and then you have abdominal cramps for the rest of the day. Do you think my body is trying to tell me something? If so, I’m generally not listening as my stomach increases roughly 2 inches in diameter per month.

What item found in a Dairy Queen blizzard would make you throw it away??
An eyelash?
A curly hair?
A fingernail?
A band-aid?
A quarter?

Real conversation I had with hotel desk clerk in Irvine:
Clerk: Hi welcome to the --- ----…checking in?
Me: Yes.
Clerk: So what brings you here?
Me: On vacation…10 year anniversary.
Clerk: Great. Are you with Ruston?
Me: Huh?
Clerk: Ruston High school reunion?
Me: Huh?
Clerk: They’re having their 15 year reunion here.
Me: No…anniversary...not reunion.
Clerk: Oh…whoops.
Me: no biggie.
Clerk: Congratulations…I’m only at 4 years.
Me: Oh…that’s great!
Clerk: Well, actually we’re not married, but been together for 4 years. Plus I’m only 18, so….
Me: ….

Last 5 messages I got in my Gmail spam folder:
“Russian serial killer on the loose”
“Add 4 inches overnight”
“First woman to be signed in the NFL”
”Secure Viagra”
“Gay men in your zip code”
It’s like they know me better than I know myself.

Was that my 3 year old son running buck naked through our yard yesterday?? Yes it was. The neighbors must love us.

Real conversation heard in line at the “Indiana Jones” theme show at Disneyland. Guy behind us (referred to as “jerk”) and guy behind him in line (referred to as “helper”).
Jerk’s daughter: Is this Indiana Jones?
Jerk: Yes honey.
Helper: Did she want the Indiana Jones ride? If so, this is not the ride, but the theme show.
Jerk: Yeah…I think we know that.
Helper: Ok….just trying to help.
Jerk: Do I look like I need your help?
Helper: …
Helper: I was…just….thought…ummm.
Jerk: Yeah buddy…you “thought”…that’s your problem!!
Me: Kicked Jerk in the balls.
Ok…that last line was not true…but I really wanted to. I wish I believed in Voodoo.

There's nothing more disgusting than the commercial for the "Ped-egg." It's basically a cheese grater that you use on your feet. The "foot shavings" are collected like an old fashioned paper punch. There is a short clip where some lady dumps the shavings out into the garbage...it looks like she grated up some guy who has psoriasis. Pass the Parmesan cheese please.

The odds of opening any random blog on blogspot and hearing a John Mayer song is roughly 64%.

3 comments:

Da Old Man said...

I drive a Scion. When I pull up to the valet parking, I hear a lot of snickering.

The Nemesing One said...

It's amazing what standing in lines all day long at Disneyland will do to civility. I personally wish I had the ability to make people's noses bleed. I think that would come in handy at times likes these.

Stephanie M said...

Thank goodness for spam - not only do they know us better than we know ourselves, but they also care enough to send emails, which is more than I can say for 97% of my other family and "friends"

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