Thursday, July 31, 2008

News you really need to peruse

My local news generally leads with stories like "Ribbon cutting for new McDonald's." Yeah...really interesting. But the silver lining in living in a town so small, is that I rarely see news stories about murder, rape, or live car chases from the view of a helicopter. (The local "life-flight" chopper appears to be the same one used on the set of Magnum PI.)

Now the flip-side of this, is that you get all the "weird" news stories that wouldn't make head-lines in a bigger city.

Take this for example: "Man wearing girls underwear arrested"
The title is a little mis-leading....reading between the lines, it appears he was there for some length of time having his own fashion show. Perhaps an homage to "Silence of the Lambs."
Oh yeah...big surprise that he was carrying meth. His mug shot wouldn't give that away. And the "horsheshoe" mustache look is a good one...it worked well for Ben Stiller in "Dodgeball." You are one sick puppy if you go to the effort of entering a stranger's (maybe) house, and only try on the daughter's underwear.

How about this one: "Police break up cockfighting ring"
I haven't even heard of a "steel leg gaffe." I think the reporter made the phrase up. Cockfighting seems so "Tijuana." By the way, I knew a guy who used to go over the border in Texas, and pay a midget 5 bucks to hit him as hard as he wanted. The midget just waited on the street collecting 5 bucks for every smacker....although this was many years ago, and with the drop in the dollar, he now charges 13.60.
You'd think in Idaho, we'd have Ford F150 "chicken." You know the drill--where 2 guys sporting "Toby Keith" and Calvin pissing on Dodge stickers--in their 1987 trucks play chicken...it'd be way more exciting than Footloose.

This one takes the cake: "Dog returned after being lost in the wilderness"
Are you kidding me? This is news-worthy? I'm not sure which is a bigger waste of space--my blog, or this story. (please don't answer this---I really do know the real answer)
This reminds me of every stupid movie or TV show where the hero goes back for the dog---I literally almost turned off both "Daylight" and "Dante's peak" for this very reason.

I think this one will make many of you want to take a summer break in Idaho in the very near future: "Mushroom hunting permits offered"
Yeah...you read this right. Idaho potatoes----and mushrooms. They're designing a new license plate as we speak.

And finally, we turn to the national news for the story that just won't go away.
"Favre and Packers look really stupid"
I mean, who cares if he wants to come back? Did he lie? Did he get confused with all the lights at his "retirement" press conference? Who knows? But if I were a Packer fan or someone who makes decisions, I would take him back in a heart-beat. You think Aaron Rodgers will do any better? Have you watched Alex Smith or Matt Leinart recently? Aaron Rodgers is Smith 2.0.
Try asking any of the following teams how easy it was to replace a legend:

Dolphins
Broncos
Cowboys

But no---the Packer brass want to "plan for the future" with Rodgers and put Favre on the 2nd team, or trade him for a 2st rounder. Hey Vikings---pony up the 1st rounder, and then go smack them cheese-heads in the mouth on the way to the playoffs. Hooah!!

12 comments:

sinisterdan said...

I'm with you on the Packers thing, btw.

Do you really hunt mushrooms? What gauge of shotgun is appropriate?

Dan da Man said...

Its got to be a 12 gauge right those things are tough to kill

Bee said...

Let me get this straight, they are giving mushrooms permits to hunt?? Wow! That's some wild shitake!

Also, I used to ♥ Farvrererer, much to the fury of my Bear’s fan brother, but now I’m a little over his hunkiness.

Skip DeKades said...

Having once been a small-town reporter, this brings back fond memorie of having to make news out of nothing. I had to write stories like these all the time.

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

ah, the joys of living in small towns. Isn't it great that you get to know all the intimate details about the jackassery going on? Breathe it in: the smell of stupidity.

The Hypocritical One said...

Dan's---I tried to think of a good line for shroom hunting, but it all headed into perversion.

Bee---How did I miss the play on words with shitake?? I'm consulting you in the future for these things.

Skip---That job was still better than mine.

Sandy---The neighborhood gossip is enough for me...ignorance is bliss.

Da Old Man said...

The Jets are still trying to replace Nameth.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey's a Giants fan so thankfully the Farve nonsense doesn't impact him but it's funny seeing the split between Jets fans right now. 50% of em are thrilled and think Farve will take them to the playoffs and the other 50% want to stick their heads in an oven. Good times.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I had no idea that there was such a potential for mushroom poachers. If you're going to be dishonest in the interest of making money, why go to all the trouble of picking mushrooms all night long and then trying to sell them on the open market or worse, door-to-door, when you can just sell pot or something?

April said...

if a dog gets lost in the woods...it should be shot and embarassed!

The Hypocritical One said...

Old man---Not good to be a Jet fan right now--living in the Giant shadow.

Rickey---hopefully the oven isn't on broil, or the cheese will burn.

Nanny---Welcome to Idaho.

April---Booyah!! We see eye to eye. I even think if a dog gets lost in my yard it should be shot.

Alice said...

ROFL - those were great.

We live in a rural county where not a lot goes on so the only thing they list in the paper are all the people who got stopped with dope in the car.

Oh, and the guy who stole electric toothbrushes from the Rite Aid.

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