Monday, June 16, 2008

Hunting for stars...in a Mcdonalds bathroom....

I remember as a little kid going to Southern California for vacation. I noticed nice cars and wondered if a movie star was driving it. (how lame is that) That lasted about 3 minutes, and I was back to reading my "choose your own adventure" books in the car. It does seem that people get all up in arms when they see celebrities. Like when you're at Yellowstone park and 546 cars are stopped to see the buffalo eating and crapping. Is it really that big of a deal?
About the closest thing that the Intermountain-west has to a "celebrity hot-spot" is Park City UT. So, on our trip up there this past weekend, I wondered if I would see anybody famous. Now, when I say famous---I don't mean A-list famous. Park City is rumoured to have many C and D-List celebrities that call it home. Montel Williams, Mitt Romney, Tony Danza, Cheech Marin, and that guy from the Beastie Boys. Real pillars of fame. As we approached the main Park City exit, and my son desperately pleaded that he needed to go pee for about the 11th time in 5 minutes, and pulling the "physical pinch-off" that many young boys do to hold it--we hurriedly pulled into the McDonald's parking lot to run in save he had an accident.
Famous people eat at McDonald's--right? Well, perhaps. But today they either didn't feel like it, or had somebody pick it up for them. Because the people in this McDonald's were double-fisting chicken nuggets like they were going out of style just like any other McDonald's. In fact, the only observations I had from the McDonald's in Park City are as follows:
-There was no "short urinal" for my son which meant that we had to make our way to a dreaded stall.
-The stall toilet apparently did not flush, and had evidence of such.
-Holding your son by his arms, and his legs so that he can urinate in the toilet without physically touching any porcelain is quite a feat. An angle of 45 degrees works best.
-I have never moved as fast as when my son wanted to flush it himself. I made Jacki Chan look slow as I grabbed him and instructed him on the proper way to "foot-flush."
-Apparently LCD TVs are the rage above urinals. Why you would want to distract a guy from actually hitting the toilet is beyond me. Based on experience, it appears that roughly 43% of men actually hit the toilet when they pee. In fact, peeing turns out to be a good stretching exercise as you have to spread your legs roughly 3 feet apart in order not to step in what we'll call "the puddle" of past urinators. (Wow....urinator kind of sounds cool---terminator...urinator...orator...ok..nevermind)
-And last but certainly not least is the fact that every time I feel "sub-par" about my little belly roll, I just need to walk into any local McDonald's and I instantly feel better about myself. Most people who see me would think--he isn't winning any beauty contests....well, at McDonald's---I'd at least place in the top 3.

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