Monday, May 19, 2008

It's true...we hate you


Why are there so many dentists in the US? This is a group of people that are trying to promote health and good habits. And yet the majority of people hate their dentist. I don't mean they hate you personally (in most cases), but you are associated with so many negative things.
I'm what you call a "cash cow" in the dental industry. Replace the old fillings, you need a mouth guard, let's do 6 crowns in the next couple months, you're using the wrong toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss. In fact, you need to purchase a robot to brush your teeth for you. Unfortunately you insurance will only cover half. Bend over while you're at it.
I've just switched dentists since I moved. Every one puts me on the "pre-approved" list for myriads of dental work. I'd like to find a dentist that is a direct relative...that will give it to me straight. Then I could ask him--would you do this if you were me? Or--would you do this if you were me and made the same amount of money as me? Then I could expect an honest answer and go from there. Perhaps that is why there are so many dentists....everyone wants to see a relative. Kind of like real estate agents. Nobody likes them...but you're forced to see both...and then you hate them even more when you're finished.
So...you're sitting in pre-med and contemplating which profession to choose. The guest speaker shares how he only works 4 days a week, makes a healthy 6-figure living, and is home by 4pm every day. Sign me up--you think. Seven years later, you're staring down into a colossal mess of nose hair. The remains of last night's Outback Caesar salad are both visible and detectable through smell. You draw a little blood with your ice-pick---he won't mind...I've numbed him. Water is going everywhere...it's like the Jurassic park ride at Universal. No bother..you've got full facial protection. In the mean-time, the patient is collecting a fine mist across his face--is it sweat? Is it mouth goo?
I also love when you the dentist asks you a few questions...it's like confession. You and him both know the truth...but you still lie anyway. "Do you floss daily?" Um...yes-sir. Do you use the fluoride treatment I gave you?" Um...most of the time. In the mean-time, you can tell he's searing your soul...he knows your lying.
So, here's to you dentists across the US...Dentist---healer, confessor, executioner.

0 comments:

Locations of visitors to this page